Letting Go to Gain (in a good way!)

So its nearly been two years since I posted here. There is many things I could blame for that, but the fact was I had given up again, cause things got hard, and all the many setbacks, but thankfully am back, and picking up the pieces. Picking up the pieces has lead me to get a bit of a life. Well that and a lucky break. My husband, I believe, cheated on the woman he was dating, and had living with us, so they broke up, and in time she moved out. This lead to me getting to take care for my son again. Getting him up and dressed, then picked up by the school bus. When school was over I got to get him off the bus. I then went a step further and started making dinner once or twice a week, till it turned into every night. Due to my husband’s bad money managing skills and a crappy landlord we also moved. We now live in a unfinished basement that is always cold! But! Everything is level and now am able to take care of my son, cook, do dishes, and do laundry! Such improvement from always hiding in my room all the time.

The other big change, that is still in the works is the divorce. Its been a long time coming! But the court date for it is tomorrow, 01/16/2015. Am super nervous! I don’t have a lawyer fr this cause I have no money to afford one, and I tried to find one that would do pro-bono, but because I live with him his income counts for my own, even though he does not even always stay here. So the best deal I was able to cut with him, was alimony $160 a mouth, (even though he now makes $2400) and joint custody of our son with switching turns of holidays and birthdays. He also promised to pay all back medical bills that have stacked up, that he, in the past, just refused to pay. I really need to get that in writing. Also should get in writing he promised to get me a new laptop (since this one is on its last legs) and a new TV (since he through away mine in the move, because it was not flat screen). The other weird thing about this divorce, is I find myself feeling sad about it at times. NO way in hell do I want to stay with this guy, even if he is working on bettering himself to be a decent human being, but I guess I just always thought when you got married its for life and you will forever be with that person, and if you work at it, you will have the prefect family. He has so many people in his family too, I love that, and his grandmother is so sweet! I can’t help but adore her. I was never much a part of his family, if at all, but it is the kind of thing I wish I had. Never the less I need to just let it go. Large mass amount of people in my life means nothing if there is no connection. I need just a few people in my life that really matter, and truly care about me.

Am also working to get up to date with all my medical needs since I have health insurance again. In December I messed up my knee, and I swear there is a gap in there now, its rather painful, but I have learned to deal with it, like all the other pain in my life. My primary doctor, that I got to see yesterday, had an x-ray done of it so am waiting to hear back from them. Toss of other appointments I need make, and have already made but the one appointment I really want to make I seem to be at a roadblock with. I really wanted to do a Weight Loss Program but all the ones I have tried thus far don’t take HealthCare USA. It’s very frustrating and only adding stress on me, and of curse guess what I do when I get over stressed? Binge eat! Did that today with a half bag of pretzel rods. I was doing really good for some time but it all fall apart. I was doing cereal for breakfast, soup for lunch, yogurt for snack (now and then did not have it every day) and then a decent portion of dinner, (whatever it was). The husband also keeps tempting me with stuff, like fast food, these pork things wrapped in bacon, tons of trigger food. Erg! I wonder if he knows he is messing me up on losing weight when he gives me things? Anyways since watching what I eat I have gone from 575lbs to 537lbs. If I can just get under 500lbs I promised to reward myself with a haircut and style, maybe even coloring. I wonder what would be a good color to get?

Anyways that is my life in a nutshell for now. In spare time, (so I do use it snacking because am bored), am going to try to make a YouTube Channel, for Vlogging. It could be fun,… maybe? When I get it up, and going I’ll link this site with it. Hopefully I don’t make a fool of myself or get scary stalkers LOL.


About Nadine

Lonely morbidly obese woman looking to change her life for the better and make true good friends.
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